Happy St. Andrews Day!

What films, telly, books or music would ye recommend to Dougal and Hamish for watching, reading or listening to?

Jock The Week
Look Who's Jocking
Scot's Landing
East Of Edinburgh

Steve Wright's Serious Jockin'

John O' Groats Wick .. two for the price of one !!

I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Appreciation Society

Tree film club

Pine and a half weeks.
Mulch ado about nothing

Jaw

Heat and sawdust.

Remove

Hard starring Spruce Willows.

Remove

The Wood, The Bark and the Ugly

Remove

Beverley Hills Copse

BREAKING NEWS

A secondary school teacher was arrested today at Heathrow Airport as he attempted to board an international flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a pair of compasses, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a press conference, a Border Control spokesman said he believes him to be a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the Police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.

'Al-Gebra can be a problem for all of us', the Spokesman said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They maintain secrecy by using secret codenames such "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns" but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.'

When asked to comment on the arrest, a senior Member of the House of Commons said "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes - As the Greek Philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are three sides to every triangle".

Fellow colleagues in The House told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by their Leader.

“Please dad......please may I wear my school uniform”?

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Converting the bear

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi were all serving as Chaplains in northern Ontario. They would meet frequently to talk shop. The comment was made that preaching to people was fairly easy; the real challenge would be to preach to a bear and try to convert it! They decided to experiment. All three would go into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion. A week later, the three men met again. Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches and had bandages on his body, began: "Well," he said, "I went to find a bear. When I found him, I read to him The Sermon on the Mount. Well, that bear began to slap me around, so I grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and made the sign of the cross on his head and he became as gentle as a lamb." Reverend Billy Bob spoke next He was in a wheelchair, and had his arms and legs in casts. He exclaimed, "Brothers, I went out and I found a bear; then I read to him from The Old Testament, but that bear wanted nothing to do with me. I took hold of him and we began to wrestle, until we fell into the creek. I quickly dunked and baptised him. He became as gentle as a lamb. Hallelujah!" The Priest and the Reverend looked down at the Rabbi, lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction - IV's and monitors running in and out of him, in really bad shape. The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

Two brief smiles

 Scotsman visits other scotsman who is taking wallpaper off wall,is asked are you decorating, no is the reply, moving house

The greatest question ever asked by a church trainee: "Ok I get justification but why did he nail 95 faeces to a door?"

LADIES OF THE NIGHT

A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in New York City. 

The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner. 

The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the daughter asks her mother, "Mommy, what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?"

The mother replies, "Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come home from work."

The cabbie, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says, "Ahhhhhhh, C'mon lady! Tell your daughter the truth. For crying out loud. They're 'sex workers'!"

A brief period of silence follows, and the daughter then asks, "Mommy, do the ladies have any children?"

The mother replies, "Of course, dear. Where do you think cabbies come from?"