Catching up

It is a sign of being rather depressed that I have given you no new laughs for one a year so here is a bumper crop to make up.

President Donald Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht, the Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place. The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Trump waved them off, saying "Never mind, boys, I'll get it." The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht, and handed the Pope his hat. The crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope's entourage were speechless. No one knew what to say, not even the Pope. But that afternoon, NBC, BBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, and CNN reported: "TRUMP CAN'T SWIM!" Paddy says to Murphy 'my mate came off his motor bike today. He has brain damage, 2 broken arms and is blind in 1 eye' Blow me, no wonder he came off says Murphy A young man watched an elderly couple sit down to lunch at a restaurant. He noticed that they had ordered one meal and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the old man carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries – one for him, one for her, until each had an even number. Then the old man poured half the soft drink into the extra cup and set it in front of his wife. The old man began to eat and his wife sat watching with her hands folded in her lap. The young man hesitated, then approached the couple and asked if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they wouldn't have to split theirs. The old man said, "Oh no. We've been married for 50 years, and everything has always been, and always will be shared 50-50." The young man asked the old woman if she was going to eat. "Later," she replied. "It's his turn with the teeth.