Question

Q: Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton are in a boat with a hole in it. Who gets saved?

A: America

Pearly Gates

A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that it's not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed.

St. Peter asked the man, "Were you religious in life? Did you attend church services?"

"No."

St. Peter told him, "That's bad. Were you generous? Did you give money to the poor? To charities?"

"No."

"That too is bad. Did you do any good deeds? Helped your neighbor? Anything?"

"No."

St. Peter was becoming concerned.

Exasperated, St. Peter said, "Look, everybody does something nice sometimes. Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!"

The man said, "There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her. I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face".

"Wow," said Peter. "That's impressive. When did this happen?"

"Oh, about 10 minutes ago," replied the man.

Baptism

Three little boys were concerned.

Because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.

They decided it was because they had not been baptized
and didn't go to Sunday School.

So they went to the nearest Church.

But, only the Janitor was there

One little boy said, 'We need to be baptized
because no one will come out and play with us.

Will you baptize us?'

'Sure,' said the Janitor.

He took them into the bathroom and dunked their
little heads in the toilet bowl, One at a time.

Then he said, 'You are now baptized!'

When they got outside, One of them asked,
What religion do you think we are?'

The oldest one said,

'We're not Kathlick, because they pour the water on you.'

'We're not Babtits, because they dunk all of you in the water.'

'We're not Methdiss, because they just sprinkle water on you.'

The littlest one said, 'Didn't you smell that water?!'

They all joined in asking, 'Yeah! What do you think that means?'


'I think it means we're Pisscopailians.