A doggy tale

A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog for Sale.'
He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden. The man sees a very nice looking Labrador sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog. "Yes," the Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story."
The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.
I wanted to help the government, so I joined the SAS. In no time at all they had me jetting
from country to country sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders.
Because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping, I was one of their
most valuable spies for eight years. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew
I wasn't getting any younger, so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow Airport
to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.
I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals.
I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."
The man was amazed and went back into the house and asked the owner how much he wants for the dog.
"Ten quid," the owner says.
“£10.....!!? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
“Because he's a lying little beggar, he's never been out of the garden!"

From Grouch Marx

A fat lady walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant ‘where’s the talcum powder. The assistant says ‘walk this way’. The fat lady says ‘if I could walk that way I wouldn’t need the talcum powder’.