Comedy legend Sir Ken Dodd, who has died at the age of 90, was the irrepressible master of quick-fire one liners that left audiences in stitches. Here are some of his best:
"My dad knew I was going to be a comedian. When I was a baby, he said, 'Is this a joke?'"
"I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her."
"My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night, saying: 'Well, that taught me a lesson.'"
Image copyrightPA
"Do I believe in safe sex? Of course I do. I have a handrail around the bed."
"I do all the exercises every morning in front of the television - up, down, up, down, up, down. Then the other eyelid."
"I did 25 minutes running on the spot this morning - I had my braces caught in the banister."
At the Royal Variety Performance: "This audience tonight represents the creme de la creme. That's French for evaporated milk."
Image copyrightGETTY IMAGES
"I wanted to take the dog to obedience class but it wouldn't go."
"Did you hear about the shrimp that went to the prawn's cocktail party? He pulled a mussel."
"So it turns out that if you bang two halves of a horse together, it doesn't make the sound of a coconut."
