Dead Penguins - I never knew this!

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Where do they go? 

Wonder no more, it is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. 

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow." 

You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you? 

I am sorry; an urge came over me that made me do it!!! 

Oh, quit whining I fell for it, too.

Seasonal shorts

Just seen Donner and Blitzen on ebay..
Nobody has put a bid in for them though..
Think its cos they're two deer.. 🙄 🦌🦌

"I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me "Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace." So I bought her nothing."

NASA has plans to probe Uranus in search of gas - Headline - https://ascienceenthusiast.com/nasa-plans-probe-uranus-search-gas/?utm_campaign=shareaholic&utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=socialnetwork&fbclid=IwAR3uEnoRaSMAIyup0s87TYmWVvpmXgS_g73zDNQmhnTtCmW5KN943gFdQ54

Driving

A young teen had just gotten his driver's permit and inquired of his father, a pastor, if they could discuss the use of the car. 

His father took him into his study and said to the teen, "I'll make a deal with you, son. You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible more, get your hair cut, and we'll talk about the car." 

Well, the teen thought about it for a moment and decided he would settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. 

After about 6 weeks, the boy came back and again asked his father about using the car. 

Again, they went to the study, where his father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You brought your grades up, and I've observed that you've been studying your Bible more, and participating a lot more in the Bible study class on Sunday morning. But, I'm real disappointed, since you haven't gotten your hair cut." 

The young man paused a moment, and then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair." 

His father replied, "You're right son. Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?" 

SICK LEAVE

SICK LEAVE
>> 
>> I URGENTLY NEEDED A FEW DAYS OFF WORK, BUT, I KNEW THE BOSS WOULD
>> NOT ALLOW ME TO TAKE A LEAVE.
>> 
>> I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then he would tell me to
>> take a few days off.
>> 
>> So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
>> 
>> My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.
>> 
>> I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss
>> would think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
>> 
>> A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What
>> in the name of good GOD are you doing?'
>> 
>> SO I TOLD HIM I WAS A LIGHT BULB.
>> 
>> He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.' Go home and recuperate for
>> a couple of days.'
>> 
>> I jumped down and walked out of the office.
>> 
>> When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, 'And
>> where do you think you're going?!'
 
>> SHE SAID, 'I'M GOING HOME, TOO. I CAN'T WORK IN THE DARK.

Bright Irishman

An Irishman and an Englishman walk into a bakery.



The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves.



He says to the Irishman

'That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me.'



The Irishman replied: 'That's just simple thievery, I'll show you how to do It the honest way and get the same results.

The Irishman then proceeded to call out the Owner of the bakery and says "Sir, I want to show you a magic trick."



The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick.

The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it.



He asked 2 more times and after eating them again the owner says "Okay my friend, where's the magic trick?"

The Irishman then said 'Look in the Englishman's pockets.'

The priest

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a
fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He
walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of
the beautiful day outside.

He then noticed there was a donkey lying dead in the middle of
his front lawn. He promptly called the local police
station.

The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help
you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father
O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a
donkey lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind
as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the
matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and
recognising the foreign accent, thought he would have a
little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now
Father, it was always my impression that you people took
care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a moment.......

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, 'tis
certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next
of kin first, which is the reason for me
call."

A Nun Grading Papers

CAN YOU IMAGINE THE NUN SITTING AT HER DESK GRADING THESE PAPERS, ALL THE WHILE TRYING TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE AND MAINTAIN HER COMPOSURE! PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.  KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING 25 STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN.THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN. 1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF. 2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.  3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.  4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS. 5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.  6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.  7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD, WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.  8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS. 9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE. 10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.  11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.  12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM. 13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES. 14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.  15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.  16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.  17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.  18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.  19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE. 20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.  21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS. 22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES. 23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN. 24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY, WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.  25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

Thanksgiving One-Liners:

- You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.

- Celebrate Thanksgiving the American way: spend money you don't have on Chinese products.

- An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.

- Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

- Thanksgiving - when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook.

Marriage in heaven?

On their way to get married, a young couple were involved in a fatal car accident. They found themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
When he showed up, they asked could they get married in Heaven?.
St Peter said "I don't know, let me find out".
After three long months, he returned, "Yes" he said " I can get you married.
"Great!" said the couple "But what if things don't work out? Can we get a divorce?"
St. Peter said "Listen carefully, It took me three months to find a priest..... have you any idea how long it'll take to find a Lawyer!?

Ask before you fly

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go.'

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment. Finally he stammered, 'Are you telling me

You're NOT my flight instructor?' 

Three groans

What do you call an exploding monkey? A Baboom.

I went to the zoo today.
There was a baguette in a cage.
The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the school swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water.

Two more

 I only hope that the person who stole my anti depressants is now happy. - Neil Milkins

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

Sensitive Aussies

Three Aussie blokes working up on an outback  mobile phone tower:

Mongrel, Coot and Bluey .
As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly..
As the ambulance takes the body away,
Bluey says, 'Well, blow me, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife.

  Mongrel says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Beer.

  Bluey says, 'Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?'
'Coot's wife gave it to me,' Mongrel replies.

'That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?'

'Well, not exactly', Mongrel says.

'When she answered the door,  I said to her, "you must be Coot's widow."

She said, 'You must be mistaken..  I'm not a widow.'

Then I said, 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are..'

Aussies are good at that sensitive stuff.

Squirrels

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation.  After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery.  The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves.  The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures.  So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church.  Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy!  They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church.  Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue; they took the first squirrel and circumcised him.  They haven't seen a squirrel since.

Lexophile

Lexophile describes those that have a love for words, such as you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish, or, to write with a broken pencil is pointless.    An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile. This year’s winning submissions are posted below: 

 

 

No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery. 

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. 

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognised me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

 

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a daycare centre where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

 Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

I like horsemeat!

I think this is fake news but fun.

========================================================================

In the UK, some supermarkets have admitted that there is horse meat in their home cooked burgers.

Even places like Burger King have had to admit that there are “small amounts” of horse meat in their burgers.

Tesco is a big supermarket chain in the UK.

Within hours of the news that Tesco's 'all beef hamburgers' contained 30% horse meat, these quips hit the Internet.

______________________________ ______________

“I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse."..... I guess Tesco just listened!

Anyone want a burger from Tesco? Yay or neigh?

Not entirely sure how Tesco are going to get over this hurdle.

Waitress in Tesco asked if I wanted anything on my Burger. So I had £5 each way!

Had some burgers from Tesco for my tea last night … I still have a bit between my teeth.

A woman has been taken into hospital after eating horse meat burgers from Tesco. Her condition is said to be stable.

Tesco are now testing all their vegetarian burgers for traces of unicorn.

"I've just checked the Tesco burgers in my freezer ... AND THEY'RE OFF!"

Tesco now forced to deny the presence of zebra in burgers, as shoppers confuse barcodes for serving suggestions.

Said to the missus, “These Tesco burgers give me the trots."

"To beef or not to beef, that is equestrian".....

A cow walks into a bar. Barman says, "Why the long face?" Cow says, "Illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs!"

I hear the smaller version of those Tesco burgers make great horse d'oeuvres.

These Tesco burger jokes are going on a bit...Talk about flogging a dead horse.

Last night the wife made meatloaf, so I had dinner with two nags.

Since they’re selling the meat wrapped in plastic, is that technically a “Trojan Horse?

Instead of choosing “rare, medium or well done", it’s now "Win, Place or Show”.

Runners up rom the Fringe

I did not think the winner was funny so it is not here.

"I had a job drilling holes for water - it was well boring" - Leo Kearse

"I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don't pay it back, I'm going to get repossessed" - Olaf Falafel

"In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to touch me" - Daniel Audritt

"What do colour blind people do when they are told to eat their greens?" - Flo and Joan

"I've got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it's not easy. They keep moving the goalposts" - Darren Walsh

"Trump said he'd build a wall but he hasn't even picked up a brick. He's just another middle-aged man failing on a DIY project" - Justin Moorhouse

"I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it" - Adele Cliff 

"Why are they calling it Brexit and not The Great British Break Off?" - Alex Edelman

Smiles

What name do you give a lady who has to tell a joke twice? Repunzel.

Son: “Dad, we’re learning about prisms at school. They’re fascinating.”
Dad: “That’s good son, because as a dyslexic black boy you’re bound to end up in one.”

Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical. A few days later the doctor ‘phones and says “Paddy, you realise you’ve got sugar diabetes.”
Paddy says, “Nice one, when do I fight him?”

A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?"
The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".

In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just bu**ered a  14 year old escort".
The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been confiscated, and the wife has gone off to her mother.

A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us."

A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft begger!"

The last is always best
Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"
Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"

Cheeses of Nazareth

Brie of Galilee Feta is one day in your court Gouda Samaritan Roquefort of ages Garden of Edam All hail cream cheeses

Films popular in Yorkshire:

Sleepless in Settle
Truly, Madly, Keighley
Eee Tea
Take Your Pickering
Whether the Wetherby fine or whether the Wetherby not, we’ll weather the weather, whatever the weather, whether we like it or not!

Two more

Why do blind people hate skydiving?
Because it scares the hell out of their dogs.

What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?
Aye matey.

Quickies

Ways To Get Fired
Get a job as a Human Cannonball

You can’t use “beef stew” as a password.
It isn’t stroganoff.

World cup

Gareth Southgate has set up a friendly match against Iceland to try and cheer fans up. If we beat them then we go on to play Tesco's and then Sainsbury's.

Q: Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog?
A: Because they can't hold on to a lead!

 I keep my pop art in a nuclear bunker under my floor.
It’s my handy war hole.

Smiles

I was sat in a restaurant last night, when I got hit on the back of the head with a prawn cocktail... 
I looked round and this bloke shouts:
"That's just for starters!"

My mum ordered an exotic snake over the internet, but when the box arrived all it contained was feathery necklaces.

It seemed the boa cons tricked her.

The power of prayer?

What an interesting turn of events in Pahrump, Nevada . . .

 

The Diamond D’s Brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing  business.     In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church.     Work on Diamond D's progressed right up until the week before the grand re-opening when lightning struck the brothel and burned it to the ground!      After the brothel was burned to the  ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about “the power of prayer.”

 

But late last week 'Big Jugs' Jill Diamond, the owner/madam, sued the church, the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the church “was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business either through direct or indirect divine actions or means."      In its reply to the court, the church vehemently and vociferously denied any and all responsibility or any connection to the building’s demise.

 

The crusty old judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply, and at the opening hearing he commented, "I don't know how the hell I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, that we now have a whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that thinks it’s all bullshit.”

NY Times is writing an expose

Seems on Mothers Day there was a secret meeting at the Florida white house. Only Family and secret service were aware. 

Trump set up a meeting with Pope Francis to make sure the pontiff understood the America First agenda was good for not only the US but the world.

To ensure the conversations were not recorded they went out on the Trump Princess ( his yacht at Doral)

Anyway - while they were out there was an accident- it started with high winds .
The Pope was almost knock overboard and his skullcap hit the water. 

Pope Francis hates boats and was already visibly agitated during the convo with Trump- NOW HE WAS FUMING MAD.

Its been leaked by sources on the boat -who contacted the NYTimes -
that Trump said “don’t worry I’ll get your hat “
Then the secret service tried to fish it in with a net but Trump STOPPED THEM!!

He said “ i got this - step back “
Trump climbed up on the rail and appeared to jump IN THE WATER!!

But he did not SINK - he walked ON TOP OF the water and with ease grabbed the Popes Skull Cap.

Now the NY Times is writing an expose
FYI
HEADLINE TOMORROW MORNING
Trump Can’t Swim 

Random jokes

The inventor of throat lozenges has died. He has requested no coffin at his funeral.

“What’s brown and sticky?”
“A stick.”

Wanna hear the story about the time I bought shoes from a drug dealer?
I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

What goes clip clop, clip clop, bangbangbangbangbang, clipclopclipclopclipclop?
An Amish drive by shooting.

A widow is seated at her late husband’s funeral. A man approaches and asks her, “may I say a word?”
“Certainly,” she replies.
He clears his throat and says, “Plethora.”
She nods and says, “Thank you. That means a lot.”

I know a guy that lost his whole left side in an accident.
He's alright now.

What's red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.

A man suffered a heart attack while shopping in a store.

A man suffered a heart attack while shopping in a store.

The store manager called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.  

The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. 

A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. 

She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.

He replied in a weak raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

He replied, "No money in the bank.”

Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.

He  said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God." 

The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law." 

Gibbons

Currently trending on Twitter- Stick A Gibbon in a Quote. I thought that's right up our street so here goes...

Gibbon an inch and they'll take a mile
We're all here lying in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the gibbons

...

 Frailty, thy name is Gibbon

Manage

Oh that this too too solid flesh would melt, thaw, and resolve itself into a gibbon!

1

Manage

O Gibbon Where Art Thou?

Manage

If you give enough typewriters to enough monkeys would they eventually type out Gibbon's History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire ?

1

Manage

Frankly, my dear I don't gibbon damn.

Manage

Some Like it Gibbon

Manage

By all accounts Occam had a shaved gibbon and nobody knew whether Schrodinger's gibbon was there or not.It is a far far gibbon thing than I have ever done beforeDo you think you're gibbon, punk? Well, DO YA?

Manag

 Funky gibbon ... oh wait















Nah then, young gibbon.

ManageThe Lavender Hill Gibbon

Manage

Kind Gibbons and Coronets

Manage

\

The Ladygibbons

Manage

 Ask not what your gibbon can do for you...

Manage

Arsenic and Old Gibbons.

Manage

Whatever Happened to Baby Gibbon?

Manage

 Gibbonspotting

Manag