Smiles

What name do you give a lady who has to tell a joke twice? Repunzel.

Son: “Dad, we’re learning about prisms at school. They’re fascinating.”
Dad: “That’s good son, because as a dyslexic black boy you’re bound to end up in one.”

Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical. A few days later the doctor ‘phones and says “Paddy, you realise you’ve got sugar diabetes.”
Paddy says, “Nice one, when do I fight him?”

A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?"
The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".

In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just bu**ered a  14 year old escort".
The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been confiscated, and the wife has gone off to her mother.

A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us."

A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft begger!"

The last is always best
Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"
Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"