7 jokes for today

It's that cold outside, i actually saw a politition with his hands in his own pocket!!

I can't believe how shallow women on dating sites can be. I'd been chatting to this girl for a while and we were getting on ok, but then she turned round and said she wasn't interested, JUST because of the type of car I live in.

A customer asks “In what aisle will I find Irish sausage?” The assistant asks “Why are you Irish?” Clearly offended, the man replies “Yes I am, but let me ask you something, if I had asked for bratwurst would you have asked me if I was German? Or if I’d asked  for tacos would you have asked if I was Mexican?” “Probably not” says the assistant. “So why ask me if I’m Irish?” So the assistant says “Because your in Halfords!!! A zoo I visited had a no waste policy so, any animals that had died were fed to the lions. It so happened that same day I was there some green finch's and couple of chimpanzees died and were being fed to lions. When the keeper thew the birds and the the chimps in the cage one lion looked at another lion and said," Must be Friday its finch and chimps again" Was in Starbucks earlier and I got given a cup of white powder when I requested a coffee. I goes to the guy who served me "does this look like coffee " ? He goes " you did come up to me saying can I have a coffee mate Man cuts a hole in the ice and starts fishing for wild salmon. he is fishing for a couple of hours, then hears a booming voice from above, "THERE ARE NO FISH BENEATH THE ICE!". He continues to fish and hears the same again. He looks up at the sky, and shouts out "is that you God talking to me"? "I REPEAT THERE ARE NO FISH BENEATH THE ICE, THIS IS THE ICE RINK MANAGER"!" It's Rastafarian day tomorrow.......I'm dreading it.